Here on Emerson Street I often shoveled the driveways of my older neighbors. I had no need for someone to shovel my driveway, but occasionally neighbors with families helped us by watching our kids as well. Neighbors who helped us in turn benefited from errands provided by neighbors we helped. This circle of kindness among friendly neighbors is known as general reciprocity.
General reciprocity sometimes occurs between the same two people over time. One neighbor whose driveway I used to shovel now helps us greatly with errands while I care for Cindy. I did not shovel his driveway with anticipation that he would help with Cindy. I just knew that being friendly neighbors works out well for everyone in the end.
Recent online posts reveals the benefits of friendly neighbors and general reciprocity being jeopardized. An online article provided graphs showing every age group of Americans spending less time socializing over the past twenty years. This corresponds with the increase in social isolation over decades. Social isolation need not eliminate friendships, but necessarily means fewer interactions with friendly neighbors.
With increased social isolation even close friendships tend to be dispersed. One on one exchanges of kindness and support between friends takes the place of general reciprocity among friendly neighbors. A variety of reasons might lead to these becoming one-sided, as a few social media posts lament.
One reason could be a friend’s immersion in their own neighborhood. General reciprocity such as what occurs with friendly neighbors benefits brain health. Feeling like a friend fails to reciprocate your kindness does the opposite. “Make new friends but keep the old” provides good advice, as long as the new friends you make come from your neighborhood. The shared living experiences of neighbors creates a tighter, reciprocal bond for kindness.
Ironically, altruism is the other type of kindness that benefits brain health. A kind act prompted by empathy benefits brain health when nothing is expected in return. In other words, helping a complete stranger will benefit you more than helping an old friend. You will never lament kindness bestowed to a stranger as you might to an old friend.
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DEFINITELY meaningful!! And true, and much-needed these days. After having spent many weeks down south over several years, we have discovered that general reciprocity seems much more alive down there than up north. Perhaps because the weather is more kindly all year round? Or the standard of living is lower and therefore people rely on each other more? Whatever the reason, we sure enjoyed it. But there is hope for the north as well. I see headlines about Gen Zers ditching phones in favor of communicating, youth writing poems instead of languishing in front of screens, and the like. Maybe they will backtracked to the friendlier life of our ancestors.
Nice insights!
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